Dear Lindsay,

This subject is in the new the news because of strong people like Cheryl Cole and Theoron Fleury. Maybe, this piece can help raise money for Little Warriors.

I remember when I was eleven and twelve, I made the hockey A team.

During our first game, at the end of my shift I climbed onto our bench before letting the next person onto the ice and my coach started swearing, “What the fuck are you doing? Let the defenseman on the ice first!”

I said, “I didn’t know. I thought I had to get off the ice before the next person gets on or there would be too many men on the ice.”

It was the first time I’d been sworn at and I wasn’t used to it.

Then, one time I stayed in the same hotel room as my coach. I was looking forward to it. I thought we’d watch a movie together, but he stayed in the bar all night. I watched ‘The Longest Yard’ by myself and I thought it was a good movie.

When my coach arrived at the room, he was very drunk and he fell on the bed without turning the lights off. So, I turned them off.

Then, my coach put his arm around me and I was quite scared. His breath really stank of alcohol. I don’t know what happened after that.

I think I do remember locking myself in the bathroom and there being a lot of yelling.

I didn’t sleep at all that night and I was shaking and had trouble concentrating the next day during the hockey game. And I’m sure I wasn’t very good on the ice that day.

I remember being cut from the A team at the beginning of the year because I missed the first game. The coach said he phoned my parents and told them when the game was earlier in the week. But, my parents said they were never phoned. Looking back, I think the coach was trying to turn me against my parents. It worked because I love hockey so much and we’re taught to listen to our coach. Phil Esposito even listened to his coach in the NHL when he was told to dump the puck in all the time. The Boston Bruins had a powerhouse club that year and probably could have carried the puck a bit more.

Our club, the A team, lost a lot of games that year. I played half a shift of offense and a full shift of defense because we only had three other defensemen. I told the coach to bring someone up from the B team, but he said he couldn’t bring anyone up this late in the season.

I blamed myself a lot for the losses because I was the last one to make the team and I was never a stand out on any of the A teams when I made them.

One time, I was so out of breath from playing wing that when I got to the bench, I took off my mask so I could get more air. Then, a defenseman came to the bench and the coach yelled at me to get out there. By then, I was used to the swearing, but I was still too out of breath.

I said to the assistant captain beside me to go play defense. He said he didn’t know how.

I told him, “It’s easy, just stay at the blue line.”

So he went out and, I think, we got scored on. I felt so bad about that. I don’t think we won a game after Christmas that year. It was a hard year.

But I loved the Blackhawk crest and, ironically, we were called the Warriors.

I’m not sure I can read Theoron Fleury’s new book even though we’re similar in stature, have similar demons, but most of all we both have a penchant for leaving a lot of blood on the ice.